This is one of the things I LOVE about being an adult--you can do whatever you want. If I like to dress fancy, or decorate my house in an elaborate way, have day-long open house parties centered around 80s tv marathons, then it's cool because I say it's cool. And while I've had some pretty successful shindigs over the years, I've also had a few "learning lessons," when my plans were too ambitious, or not well-planned enough. What I've learned is that while my friends and family have a great time and appreciate my efforts when I go big, that isn't the reason why they've come to my home: they're there to have a good time with me, and each other!
So I've struck a pretty good balance at this point. I used to have moments of pretty high anxiety when planning a party, since I am a perfectionist to the max, but I'm also too polite to ask for help if I need it. So I'd silently freak out, and try to do too much and end up grumpy and frustrated. I'd also end up spending much more money than I'd anticipated, or had, and that wasn't the key to having a good time, in the long run. Here are my top five tips for planning a unique but manageable party your friends will remember forever, but that won't drive you into an early grave or debtors prison:
1. Food is a necessity, but spending $$$ isn't
In most instances, you'll be having a party in the evening, and letting your guests go hungry is really not an option--especially if there's any alcohol around. But unless you're working with a theme, or hosting an actual dinner party, there are some fantastic party staples that are cheap, tasty, and easy to make look a lot fancier than they are with just a little bit of flair and presentation.
Vegetable crudites are cheap and require almost no preparation at all. In addition, they're colorful, pretty to look at, and healthy to boot! You can get nice, reusable serving trays at the Dollar Store or any other discount retailer for way cheap, and setting up a nice selection of baby carrots, celery sticks, radishes and broccoli crowns around a bowl of low-fat ranch dip is a perfect five-second appetizer.
Tiny baguettes and hummus is another chop-up-and-go option that requires no real effort or investment, but can go a long way with hungry guests. I like to put out a tray of each of these appetizers before anyone arrives, so if I'm still in the kitchen prepping more ornate or complicated dishes when the party gets started, people can start to relax and mingle without wondering what's taking me so long.
2. Keep the music flowing!
Unless your guests are gathered for some specific activity like a movie, video game marathon or book club discussion, music is a must throughout the evening. My husband and I both have broad and eclectic musical tastes and can agree on a lot, but we have a definite divergence of opinions when it comes to putting together a party playlist. He likes to share weird, little known things with friends (I call it showing off), but I argue that that can disrupt the flow of a mix. There's nothing worse than a festive get together drawing to a lull when everyone realizes we've gone into minute 7 of a freestyle jazz experiment, and there's no end in sight. When I'm making a playlist, I like to keep it consistent to a general theme (I'm pretty fond of those, if you can't tell yet) like the season, or the reason why we've gathered together, but fish around for things from different eras and genres to get a good, interesting mix. Music everyone loved 12 years ago but hasn't thought of since that summer, or songs they remember their parents playing when they were kids are usually great choices, but I make a point to blend them in with new and relevant releases as well. I try to place my tracks carefully, so one song doesn't end abruptly and move into a track that takes forever to lead in, or that starts with some flow-disrupting intro or sound effect that throws off the continuity. For this reason, I tend to avoid live tracks, since audience sounds and feedback are almost always unavoidable. And while this is less of an issue now with iTunes and Rhapsody at everyone's fingers, it's good to listen to downloaded Mp3s all the way through to make sure you got the complete track. It's a bummer when your playlist is halted suddenly, especially on a good jam!
3. Invite the people you want to hang out with, and don't worry about the drama
Every group of friends has exes, or frenemies, or fakers or hangers-on--and it can be like trying to navigate a landmine when putting people together in the same room. That is, if you are willing participate in other people's issues, and bend back and forth to accommodate their dramas. My philosophy is this: I invite people to my house because I enjoy their company, not because someone else expects me to, and I won't exclude a friend from a party on someone else's behalf without a good reason. Give your friends the benefit of the doubt to be mature about their own relationships, and don't get trapped into making a choice about a side of an issue, unless you genuinely have an opinion. Sure, I've had seen some whispery arguments in the corner of the kitchen, or heard later on that so and so insulted you know who, but doesn't it seem likely that was going to happen anyway, regardless of whether you threw a dinner party or not? The consequences are usually minor enough, since Craft Nights and Mad Men-themed dinner parties are rarely the kinds of events knock-out fights are going to take place anyway. And if you're honest with your guests ahead of time about who could possibly be attending, you leave it entirely up to them to decide what they're comfortable with. Don't take it personally if a friend declines an invitation knowing that you are keeping it a level playing field--in fact, I'd say its a sign of a good friend that they respect your home enough to keep the drama from plaguing your efforts.
4. Activities are welcome, but schedules usually aren't
Like I mentioned, I'm rather a control freak. If left to my own devices, I'd cram a party so full of decorative, culinary, musical and themed stimulation that my guests would have to register for activities in advance. But...that sounds awful, and no one would come. So I've learned to tone it down significantly, and take it easy when things don't always hit it off. Having some fun activities or specialty food items to experience is a great way to make your party memorable, but unless you're there for a very specific reason, like wine sampling or to discuss a book or movie, your friends will not appreciate being kept "on track" when they're just trying to enjoy themselves. Depending on whether or not your gathering has a common theme, you can have simple diversions like Trivial Pursuit cards out on the table, equipment at the ready for wii or Rock Band tournaments, or squirt guns or water balloons lying around for a summer barbeque. Try too hard, and your friends may feel obliged to humor you with their interest, and then the mood turns from a party, to more of an obligation.
5. Stick with what you're comfortable with
I'm a pretty adventurous gal when it comes to planning an event. I like to surprise people, give them new experiences, make them feel welcome-and if we're being honest here-impress the hell out of them. And while that comes with a lot of rewards, it also comes with a lot of stress! So if ink-stamping invitations and preparing individual strawberry rhubarb tarts sounds like your worst home-ec nightmare, why even do it? This is your party, after all, so plan an event that will be as fun to put together as it is to attend!
Start simple, and build your way up to more challenging factors. If you're new to the hostess role, keep the food low-prep and easy to replenish, or even include a request for pot luck contributions when you send out your invitations. I'm certainly not the first person in the world to conjure the idea of a party playlist, so if crafting the perfect soundtrack to your get together is too time consuming or overwhelming, pick up a compilation album or a couple of soundtracks, put them on shuffle on your iPod, and call it a day. If you're slaving away in the kitchen for half the night, or constantly fretting over who looks like they're not having the best time ever, your friends are going to know it--and wonder why you had them over in the first place if it wasn't to hang out and relax! a party can be a great way to showcase your talent and your appreciation for your friends, but the best way to show them you appreciate them, is to spend some quality time with them. The rest is all details.
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